“Gosh Cedric, how about you take the paper.”

            “What?”

            Cedric was completely lost in thought in the middle of class, and didn’t realize that the girl in front of him was holding the notes the teacher was giving the class.

            “Oh shit, I’m sorry,” he said as he quickly grabbed the paper.

            “So it’s true isn’t it?” Quinn Edwards said as Cedric took the paper.

            “What are you talking about?”

            “About you and Maribel,” she said turning her body around on. Every time Cedric saw her smile, he’d immediately feel the infectiousness of it. There was just something about the way her cheeks looked, along with her teeth and the braces on them with the green rubber bands. She was a very pretty girl, but Cedric wasn’t ever attracted to her because of his feelings towards her best friend, Jordan.

            “Well what’d you hear?” Cedric said raising his right eyebrow.

            “That you guys were going out!” Quinn said as she smiled brightly and poked Cedric repeatedly on the arm. Quinn strictly limited her silly behavior to only be around people she knew. Otherwise, she was very quiet, and almost shy. But she felt comfortable enough around Cedric to act childish with him.

            Cedric smiled at the poking, “I’m sorry Quinn, but we’re not. Hate to burst your bubble.”

            “Cedric, you know you don’t have to lie to me. Everyone’s been seeing you two around town like every weekend.”

            “Well just because we go on dates, or whatever, it doesn’t mean that we’re going out. I mean I like her and everything, but we’re not going out.”

            “Oh and why is that Cedric?” she asked, this time with her perfectly shaped, left eyebrow being raised.

            “Because we’re just not…” after saying that, Cedric pretended to start writing diligently to avoid Quinn’s stare. But he knew she would stare until she knew what she wanted to know.

            “Uh-huh.”

            After about 10 seconds Cedric finally looked up and looked her straight in the eyes.

            “It’s confusing.”

            “It probably is, but you know I’m not dumb.”

            “Yeah I know. You’re pretty damn nosey, but not dumb.”

            “Oh shut up Cedric, you know you want to tell me.”

            For some reason, he always had a problem looking Quinn in the eye for long amounts of time. So he’d mostly look down at his desk or whatever was on it, and talk.

            “I don’t want to, but I always do. That’s how it really is.”

            “Exactly Cedric, it’s always this way.”

            “Why is it always this way?” Cedric sang.

            “Shut up and tell me why!” Quinn said. But even when she was being forceful, Cedric still found her as a very sweet girl.

            He hesitated for a few seconds and finally admitted, “It’s because I haven’t like officially asked her out or anything.”

            “Well are you afraid to ask her?”

            “No.”

            “Is she not allowed to go out?”

            “Oh yeah, she’s allowed to and everything. It’s just…”

            “It’s just…”

            It was getting quite uncomfortable for Cedric to continue his attempt to finally confess why he and Maribel were not going out. They had talked to each other every Friday and Saturday for 8 straight weeks. Each time they’d talk for an average of about 4 hours a night. They would occasionally talk on weekdays when Maribel would call Cedric.

            After the eighth week, Cedric finally decided to ask Maribel out on a date. He took her to her to Round Table’s Pizza, her favorite pizza place in Porterville, and then took her to the movies. The night ended with a kiss at the doorway.

            The two then had at least one date every weekend for 5 straight weeks. They were always eventful because of the stares Cedric would receive from people he didn’t know. After the first date, he made the conscious decision to not put his hair up when on a date. Also, Maribel’s friends were constantly bumping into her during their dates.

            Cedric loved being around her, but he knew that he wasn’t going to officially call Maribel his girlfriend for a long time.

            “I just haven’t asked her out because I don’t want that fucked up label you know?”

            Quinn was a little thrown back by his reaction.

            “So then why were you always hassling Jordan to go out with you? And didn’t you say that you hated how she didn’t want to be held down, or “labeled” as your girlfriend? And…”

            “I know!” Cedric said, interrupting her. He did not want to talk about Jordan Davis at all. “I know it sounds weird, but I like where I’m at right now. Maribel is a great girl. I care about her, but I’m not ready to be officially her’s.”

            “Are you waiting for Jordan?” Quinn said with absolutely no smile in her face at all.

            Cedric paused once again, “No, I don’t think so.”

            “Are you sure? Because Cedric, she’s my best friend in the whole wide world. You know I love her with all of my heart. But even I think what she did to you was beyond mean. We got in a fight because I defended you. Did you know that?”

            “No I didn’t, but thank you.”

            “She’s pretty content with where she is right now. She and Bobby are really happy to be with each other.”

            “Ok I don’t want to hear this.” Cedric said quickly.

            “I know you don’t, but I’m just saying. You should really commit to this girl. Everybody knows how much of a man-whore you can be,” as she said this, the smile returned back to her face, as well as on Cedric’s face.

            “No I’m not!”

            “Well, I know that you’re a sweetheart and everything, but you’re not happy. And everybody knows that Maribel is the sweetest girl like in the world. I really think she’d make you happy Cedric.”

            “Maybe…but she could also break up with me because of something stupid and shallow. And I just can’t deal with that right now.”

            “Everyone gets afraid of stuff like this; you’re not the only person in the world scared of pain. But you have to take a leap of faith, you know?”

            “Yeah I know.”

            “And from what I hear, she really likes you for the person that you are. It doesn’t seem like there’s much sense in her wanting to go out with you just to dump you after two weeks. I mean, has she ever said anything about you two going out?”

            “Yeah. She brings it up a lot.

            “Exactly Cedric. You should really just think about it.”

            Quinn turned around and began doing her class work.

            “You know that she talks to Brandon Ramirez at school and during the week at like night, right?”

            “Yeah, I do know that. So what?”
            Brandon Ramirez happened to be the most popular, and most socially active male in Portervile High school. He was on the varisty football team and the varsity baseball team. He was also the president of the junior class. Most girls thought of him as the hottest guy in school, in which all others were compared to.
            Cedric didn't have anything against the guy, and never told Maribel that it buged him that she and Brandon talked,  even though it was something that  he worried about at nights. But since Cedric and Maribel were not a couple, there wasn't much he could do, and there wasn't much he could say without coming off as completely hypocritical.

            “I bet you didn’t she’s going on a date with him on Saturday night?”

            “What?!”

            Quinn just continued doing her school work. Cedric knew that she never would never tell him a lie or something she wasn’t completely sure about.

            He just sat in class stressing, biting his nails, and scribbling on his classwork.

            Cedric had a pain in his stomach. After Quinn told him about Maribel and Brandon, he felt was going to throw up.  This was definetly not the first time he felt this, but he hated it every time.

            Quinn gave him the unexpected news at the beginning of third period. This meant that he had to sit through the rest of the period, along with fourth, without knowing for sure.

            When the lunch bell finally rang, he took his time walking to the bench he usually sat at with his friends.

            “Hey bitch, come with me to find Maribel,” he said to his friend, Andy, who was already sitting down and drinking a Sprite.

            Andy took a drink from his soda before finally standing up and saying, “Alright pussy.”

            Cedric absolutely hated walking to the Quad alone. The Quad was a spot in the middle of school between the cafeteria and the art buildings. It consisted of about ten benches between five large trees. A place that’s hard to explain, yet so simple to the eyes.

            Walking towards where Maribel usually hung out, Cedric could have pointed out four girls he had previously had sex with. Whereas Andy, who could have pointed out three. In Cedric’s case, all four girls avoided making eye contact.

            The closer Cedric and Andy came to the table where Maribel spent all of her brunches and lunches; it became obvious that she wasn’t there.

            “Fuck, she ain’t there,” Cedric said, yet kept walking closer to the table.

            “If she ain’t there, then why the fuck are we still walking closer?”

            “Because maybe her friends no where she is?”

            “Negative. These bitches never know where she’s at.”

            Cedric chuckled at the comment, but quickly stopped when Maribel’s friends made eye contact with him. They were Paige Silvers and Rodelyn Sanchez, Maribel’s two friends that disliked Cedric the most.

            “Hello,” he said to the girls with a forced smile.

            “Hello,” Michelle said with no emotion or enthusiasm at all.

            “Hello Cedric, what’s up?” Paige said in her usual friendly tone. Paige was generally a nice girl, but just didn’t think that Cedric was at all good enough for her good friend.

            “You know, just looking for Maribel. Do you know where she’s at?”

            “I’m sorry Cedric, I don’t know. There are so many meetings today, and you know her. She’s hasta be at least at one of them.”

            “Yeah, damn that sucks,” Cedric quickly scanned the table and realized that Brandon Ramirez wasn’t there.

            “You know he asked her out right?”

            Cedric went back and forth in his head for a few seconds. Should he lie and play dumb, or just admit to it.

            “Yeah…I heard.”

            “Cedric, no offense to you or anything, but they’re so right for each other, ya know?  He’s more of her style, and they have a lot in common around here and everything. And oh my God, they look so cute together. I know you two talk and everything, but you should really just let them, ya know?”

            Cedric fell silent when he heard this. And he quickly realized that Rodelyn was giving him one of the coldest stares he had ever seen.

            “Maybe, I guess,” was all that could come out of his mouth. “Okay, well I guess I’m gonna go. Thanks anyways.”

            “Alright, see you later sweetie.”

            As Cedric and Andy walked away, Andy waited a few seconds before saying; “Goddamn, how can that nice girl have two of the biggest bitches for friends?! I mean seriously.”

            Andy kept talking, but the words started fading, and he started paying less attention.

            As if things couldn’t get any worse, as Cedric and Andy turned a corner walking back to the benches, walking hand and hand was Jordan Davis and Bobby Helms.  Just witnessing them made Cedric want to punch a hole in the building’s wall. But he kept his cool and just kept walking.

            To most girls walking by, Cedric Ramos looked like the most desperate guy in the world sitting on the steps of the entrance-way to the girl’s locker room. Although, there were the girls that knew him as the lead singer of Morning Calls; they still found him hot.

            I could probably hook up with that girl…And probably that girl…and definitely that girl right there…

            Cedric was sitting on those steps for a specific reason, but he was a teenage male who thought about sex all day, every day.

            But then there she was, Maribel was walking towards the girls locker room with a bag that was half her size, but probably weighed as much as she did.

            “Need help?”

            “No, I got it, don’t worry.”

            “Don’t be ridiculous, I got it,” Cedric said as he took the bag from her.

            “Thank you, Cedric,” she said as she adjusted her backpack that had just about slipped off of her.

            “No problem. Hey, do you think we can go somewhere and talk before your practice?”

            Maribel hadn’t hidden the fact that she was talking to Brandon from Cedric, but she also hadn’t told him how intense the conversations with Brandon were getting. And how torn she felt about the fact that she had feelings for Brandon, but at the same time had stronger feelings for Cedric. Yet had several reasons why they were not together.

            “Sure, just let me take this bag inside, and then we can talk.”

            She came out three minutes later and Maribel decided to walk Cedric home and talk to him during the three-block walk.

            “So what’s on your mind?”

            “Just heard some stuff about you today at school?”

            “Oh. Like what?”

            “That Brandon Ramirez asked you out.”

            “Oh.”

            Cedric stopped walking at stared her straight in the eyes. “Oh?!”

            “Well what do you want me to tell you? He did ask me out,” she began to walk, causing Cedric to follow.  “And I told you when we started talking that I kinda liked him. Did somebody tell you that I said Yes?”

            “No, but did you?” Cedric was trying his best to control his temper, but his voice was rising and so was Maribel’s.

            “No I didn’t Cedric. I told him I couldn’t give him a straight answer just yet. That I’m going through some things right now.”

            “You just couldn’t tell him No?”

            “Well maybe I should have told him Yes,” she stopped talking for a second but then continued again. “I told him I have feelings for you and everything. But for some stupid reason, you’re afraid of commitment right now.”

            “Oh, it’s stupid? Being afraid of hurting you is stupid?”

            “No, it’s just stupid that you use that as an excuse to not go out with me. Maybe Paige and Rodelyn are just a little bit right?”

            “Fine then! Just listen to your friends. Because Lord knows that they have the two best boyfriends.”

            “Cedric, please stop acting like this.”

            “Like what?”

            “Like how you’re acting right now. What do you want me to do? Huh?”

            “I don’t know. I just…”

            “I don’t exactly hear you asking me out.”

            The both of them fell quiet after she said that. Up until that point, he had been staring her straight in the eyes, but after that he looked at his feet.

            “Exactly. Cedric, listen to me, I know that you’re afraid of being with me. You really shouldn’t be. Especially since the reasons you’re giving me are pretty damn dumb.”

            “Why do you blame me for it huh?”

            “I’m not blaming you at all. You’re just afraid of commitment, and we both know that. I understand that that’s just how you are right now. And I’m sorry that if I’m looking for something a little more from somebody I have emotions towards.”

            Cedric broke the silence that fell from her words with; “Fuck!”

            They were across the street from Cedric’s house when Maribel stopped walking.

            “I’m not afraid of commitment. And I wish you weren’t. I love talking to you and I love being around you. But if you need to be out having sex or whatever with other girls then do that. I mean if caring for each other is all we’re going to do, then that’s fine. I really want us to be “official” and a couple and everything, but I know it’s not your thing sometimes.”

            Cedric was really listening to her, but couldn’t think of anything to save the situation. “Do you really think you could handle being my girlfriend, Belle? I mean like really. You know me and  everything. And you know how the girls around here can be.”

            “You see what I’m talking about. You need to stop looking at things in black. It’s not a question of “handling”. I know something in your mind knows that I might just want to be with you,” she said with a hint of a smile on her face.

            She was standing on the sidewalk and pushed Cedric off so she could feel a little taller, even though he was still a little taller than her. She touched his done-up Mohawk. Whenever they were this close, they were very flirtatious, in a slow way.

            Cedric lightly pushed her back and then she pretended to punch him. Then she wrapped her arms around him.

            “Aaaaw…Being all affectionate with me,” he said as he took in her hug.

            “Shut up,” she said in a flirtatious way.

            To people walking by them, it sure was an odd sight to see this little, well-dressed teenage girl hugging a mohawked male dressed all in black.

            “I gotta go or I’m going to be late for practice,” she said with her arms still wrapped around him.

            “Alright then. Go on then girl.”

            “Ok then Ceddy, I’ll see you tomorrow.”

            “Are you sure? I mean the semester’s almost over and between student council, the Athletic Decathlon, soccer, band, and keeping up the 4.0 average, I don’t think you’ll have time to say hi to me…”

            Maribel laughed, “You’re such a smart-ass. But you forgot about the Christmas assembly. That’s what’s really keeping me busy.

            “Oh yes, the grand Christmas assembly,” he said in a sarcastic tone.

            She kissed him on the cheek, “Ha ha, gotta go.” Then start walking back to school.

            “So you’d be my girlfriend?”

            She was about 50 feet away from him, but she turned around and made sure he heard her say; “The question is: Do you wanna be my boyfriend?”.

            As she walked away, all Cedric could think was:

            Yeah, I think I do…But probably not too…

            The next Monday was such a horrible day. It was cold, it was rainy, and from what Cedric heard, Maribel and Brandon had a great date Saturday night.

            Cedric’s forehead was planted smack dab on his desk in third period, and he couldn’t pick his head up.

            “Cedric…Cedric, Your Mohawk is poking me…Cedric!..”

            “What?!”

            Quinn finally got tired of waiting for Cedric to moved, and pushed his head to the side.

            “Quinn, it’s over…it’s over!”

            Quinn put her pencil down and turned her body, “What do you mean?”

            “She told me that they had a great time.”

            “Ooooh…Maribel.”

            “Yes!...Maribel and Brandon had a great time on their date on Saturday.”

            “Well gosh Cedric, did you want them to have a horrible time?”

            “Exactly!”

            “So what are you going to do now? Just mope about it until they get married or something?”

            “What the fuck does that mean?” asked Cedric, with his voice slowly gaining volume. He hated raising his voice with Quinn because he knew how vicious she could get when she was upset.

            “It means that you have so many opportunities that open up to you, but you only dwell on what passes you by Cedric. And you know it!”

            He agreed wholeheartedly, so he had nothing left to do but plant his head back on his desk.

            “Oh come on, cheer up Cedric, you know it’s not over.”

            “My stomach is telling me it’s over,” he said with his head still planted on his desk.

            “Well girls aren’t like that. If they have feelings for a guy, those feelings can last months, even a year or two. And this girl was definitely not like any other girl I’ve heard involved with you. I mean, her two best friends like hate you, and she still talks about you all kinds. In student council, you’re all she talks about to me.

            “And I won’t lie to you and tell you that she doesn’t want to go out with Brandon now, because she really does want to now after that date. But it’s not like every feeling she had for you is like gone now. Her exact words that I overheard were that you’re going to have to do something “big and romantic” to change her mind. This is pretty much impossible for you because you never know how to be romantic whatsoever.”

            ““Big and romantic”?! What the hell does that mean? That’s not me at all and she knows it. If she wants him, then she can be with him for all I care.”

            “Fine then Cedric, let her slip away. But if you’re going to do that, you’re going to have at least keep your head up about it because I can’t deal with your hair poking me in the back everyday.”

            He lifted his head up after she said that. He had a smile on his face. Pretty much the only real smile he had up to that point, and the only one he was going to have.

            “Aaaaw…little Ceddy has a smile on his face,” she said in a baby-talk as she grabbed his cheeks. “But don’t forget, you played “Maps” for Jordan, ok? And I know that didn’t work out the way you wanted it to, but it was so cute. That was romantic in your own Cedric way.”

            As the day progressed, Cedric came to the discovery that Maribel Herrera weren’t officially going out; but were now a “thing” at school. Watching the two hold hands after school, Cedric felt like his stomach was being tied in a thousand knots.

            “Well you know what you gotta do now, right?” Tyrone asked as they were driving back from Visalia. The two had made a spur of the moment decision to go to Best Buy and spend a few hundred dollars on new CD’s. As Cedric told Tyrone about the whole Maribel situation, Tyrone figured it all out before Cedric even finished his last sentence about the ordeal.

            “What?”

            “Go and do something “big and romantic” asshole.”

            Cedric was a little thrown back by the simplicity of it all. “That’s it? I’ve just spent the last 15 minutes telling you about this problem with this girl that I really like and that’s the best you could do?”

            “Well honestly I don’t think that you really like her,” Tyrone said keeping very close attention to wet and slippery road ahead.

            “And why the fuck do you say that?”

            “Because if you really liked this damn girl, you’d be going out with her. That’s why!”

            “But…”

            “No! Anything you have to say right now is just an excuse. Let her be with that Brandon guy. I mean he’s already asked her out and everything. He’s not afraid of anything. Just let them be already. Christmas break is coming up, you can find a new girl or whatever. Plenty of parties ya know.”

            And Cedric knew how right Tyrone was. It was too late. Cedric knew of at least ten parties going on during the three week Christmas break. He could work his way around those ten and meet somebody else. It wasn’t like Maribel was going. She never partied. She just stayed home. She practiced her flute for about an hour everyday. She also wrote in her diary at least once a day. During the weekends, she went to Hollywood Video, and tried renting at least two movies that she had never seen before. Also, she loved to sew.

            Why the fuck do I know this shit for?...I didn’t even know what Jordan did on her free weekend time?...Whatever…Just gotta find a new girl or something…Girls like her are a fuckin’ dime a dozen…Not with those pretty green-brown eyes though…And nobody is going to be that innocent…Or that perfect height for me…And that smile…Fuck!...Just…And how many girls have I talked to?...She never judges me whatsoever…She’s just…just…probably perfect right?...

            “So what are you going to do? Candies and flowers?”

            Cedric thought about it for a second, “Naw, Brandon’s already done stuff like that for her. He does a lot of ass-kissing stuff for her. They had gone out before, but Saturday was their first official date.”

            “Well just ask her out tomorrow. Have you ever thought of that?”

            “I can’t do that, she’s going to be in L.A. with her mom. They left today after school.  And she’s spending all of Wednesday morning setting up for that shit in the auditorium. And asking her over the phone is not exactly “big and romantic”.”

            That stupid assembly is the only time I have to ask her…What the fuck am I supposed to do?...I can’t skip the finals on Thursday and Friday or I won’t graduate…I can’t go to her house and do something romantic because her dad will shoot me…The assembly…The auditorium…The band closes the assembly…The…The…The band closes the assembly…

            Cedric thought about it all and then finally figured it was worth a shot. “Did you still have your notes from the auditorium? Like the settings we were on during the play?”

            About two years ago, Morning Calls had played music for the play Is It Morning Yet?  Tyrone and Cedric’s guitar sound was very crucial to the play, so the two spent hours upon hours getting the exact settings that would sound best in the auditorium where the play was held.

             “I’m pretty sure they’re in my black binder. I never threw any of the notes I’d written. But wait, why?”

            “Well think about it; the only time I have to really see her is at that stupid assembly. That’s the only time I get to see her for sure this week. She told me herself that after Wednesday her schedule is so filled up, she’s pretty sure that she’s not going to have time to herself until after Christmas…”

            “…And by then, she’ll have sucked that Brandon guy’s cock about two hundred times right?”

            Cedric saw the humor in Tyrone’s comment and just laughed it off. “Fuck you, she’s not like that.”

            “Okay, so what are you saying your big plan is? Because you wanting to know settings early means you got something big, and probably stupid planned.”

            “Let me barrow the P.A.” Cedric asked casually, keeping his eyes in the exact opposite of where Tyrone was.

            “What the fuck? What do you need the P.A. for?”

            This time Cedric stared his former band mate straight in the eye and asked with complete seriousness; “Are you going to let me barrow it or not?”

            “Tell me exactly what plan you have in your mind, and I’ll at least think about it. I ain’t gonna just let you barrow it asshole.”

            Cedric’s plan sounded so much worse when he spoke it out loud then when he was thinking about that. He even considered telling himself that it was by far the worst idea he’d ever come up with. It was very simple, yet it was extremely stupid.

            Tyrone’s immediate reaction was a result of immediate fear.

            “They’re going to take my fucking P.A. away! They’re going to give it to the fucking police when they arrest your ass!”

            “They’re not going to arrest me and they’re not going to take away the P.A... Jenny Wallman did it last year. Well not exactly, but it was definitely an interruption. And she was fuckin’ loaded on heroin, but they didn’t arrest her. You know me; I’ll be sober as a motherfucker. And even if they do, I can buy you a new one you cheap son of a bitch. You see, you’re in a no lose situation.”

            Tyrone knew that he was in a genuine “nothing to lose” situation. When it became clear, he agreed to let Cedric barrow his P.A. system.

            It was Wednesday evening, and Cedric had the worst back pain imaginable.

            First off, he had to load Tyrone’s entire P.A. system all by himself. Then he went back home and loaded up all of his guitar equiptment. He then had to drive his truck three blocks, and park behind the Frank “Buck” Shaffer auditorium. But it wasn’t until he accidentally slipped down the back door’s small, flight of stairs, did he feel the back pain.

            “MOTHERFUCKER” Cedric shouted as he lay on the floor.  He raised his head and realized that he had tripped down about eight steps. He should’ve taken into consideration the fact that he could have broken his neck on the fall. But all he could think of was how lucky he was that all he was carrying was that bag of cables and his guitar pedal case, which luckily hadn’t broken during the fall.

            It was 7:05 P.M., and he had between forty-five to fifty-five minutes before the student council would return to finish with the decorations for the assembly. For what Cedric needed to accomplish, it was more than enough time. It was his favorite trait that he got from his father; the ability to get the job done regardless of the conditions.

            By 7:37 Cedric had placed all the equipment in its intended hiding area and was about to walk to walk up the back steps to leave the auditorium when he heard a girl’s voice.

            “You know I can get you suspended before you even do whatever it is you’re planning?”

            Cedric’s insides froze up when he heard the voice. He had no clue who it was, but judging by the harshness of the girl’s voice, there was no was she was kidding.

            Cedric turned around slowly and recognized the girl, but hadn’t ever officially met her.

            “Holly...umm…Cervantez, right?” he asked politely.

            “That’s right!” she snapped back. “What were you doing in the auditorium?”

            What the fuck am I suppose to tell this bitch?...I can lie and maybe I’ll get away with it…Or I can tell her the truth and probably get busted before I had the chance to do anything…Fuckin’ bitch…Death now?...or Glory later?...

            “Well…”

            Fuck it…

            “I was just setting up some equipment because I plan on bum-rushing the stupid ass assembly tomorrow. Because Lord knows that that shit needs some excitement; and I plan on delivering tomorrow.”

            A little too cocky there, Cedric…

            “If it’s anything like that Relay for Life show, then you’re probably right.”

            Cedric was thrown back, “You were there?”

            “Who wasn’t?” Holly said keeping her cool the best she could. “When they bust your ass tomorrow, how about you don’t mention my name at all?”

            The feeling of fear and numbness seemed to disappear, “Deal.”

            Holly turned around and walked away.

            As Cedric started walking to his truck, he realized how bad his hands were shaking.

            Fuck! I’m dead tomorrow…That’s it…

            During Cedric’s freshman year of high school, Phil Meyers told him that during the holiday seasons, there was never a guarantee of whether you’d be happy or not. There also was no guarantee of if you’d be in love this time of the year. But there was one guarantee for the season; that student council would once again put on a shitty, almost torturously bad, Christmas assembly on the last week of the school’s first semester.

            Phil Meyers died the previous year on Christmas Eve, due to alcohol poison.

            But Cedric wasn’t at all thinking of Phil during the Christmas assembly. He tried to draw his mind completely blank. He used to try the same thing before important Morning Calls shows, along with a few shots of tequila and vodka.

            If they find out I’ve been, they’ll take everything and expel me…What’s the worse they can do?...Suspend me…That’s it…They gonna have to let me take my finals…They have to…Whatever…

            His hands were shaking profusely. He dug into his pocket and pulled out a red, triangle pick. This was going to be the one. It was only going to be one song, he could’ve played with any type of pick for one song, but the triangle picks seemed to bring out the best and most daring out of Cedric.

            The choir were just about wrapping up. This meant that the student council was going to come out, sing the schools anthem.  After that the whole band would come up through come down the aisles and walk to the front of the stage. When they finished their song, the assembly was over. Cedric figured he and Andy would just dash towards the stage when the band started working their way to the front.

            Andy was sitting right next to him and wasn’t shaking at all. He had a blemish-free record at Porterville High School. He had a 3.5 grade point average all four years of high school, and was planning to attend Cal Poly. It didn’t take a lot of talking for Cedric to convince Andy that he’s wasn’t going to get in much trouble. All he was going to do was turn on the P.A. system, and then place the microphone stand and pedal case in the center of the stage

            “Are you sure your bitch ass isn’t going to puss out?” Andy asked as he realized that the time was coming up.

            Cedric couldn’t even talk; all he did was look Andy in the eyes. It was good enough for Andy.

            Everything was going by so fast because before he knew it, the band started playing.

            “So what kind of music do you listen to?”

            Maribel knew that music was somehow going to be discussed in this first conversation over the phone. She knew that Cedric was in Morning Calls, but she’d never bothered to listened to their music. Her brother always talked about how great they were though.

            “Well…hmm…I listen to a lot of music. I don’t think anything you’d like though.”

            “Whoa, why do you say that? Is it because of my appearance or something?” Cedric hated when people prejudged him before they even talked to him. Especially when girls like Maribel would do so.

            “Oh no, it’s not like that at all. Well have you ever heard of Caifanes or Café Tacuba?”

            “Actually yeah I have. I don’t own any of their music though.”

            “Oh well, those are my two favorite bands, like of ever all time.”

            “That’s cool.”

            “Yeah, neither band is very popular in America so I assumed that you hadn’t even heard of them. I’m sorry for coming to conclusions.”

            “Don’t be sorry, it’s alright,” Cedric said with relief that he hadn’t jumped down her throat when he thought she had made a prejudgment. “You listen to English music right?”

            Maribel laughed. “Of course I do. But if you’re expecting me to have liked a lot of the things my brother did, then you’re going to be a little disappointed.”

            “I’m not disappointed. You and Ringo seem completely different anyways.”

            “Well we kind of are, he’s a boy you know?”

            Oh thank God…She has a sense of humor…

            “Well I did not know that until now.”

            “Well yeah…what were we talking about again? I’m sorry, I can be ditzy sometimes.”

            “Music.”

            “Oh yeah, well the one thing that me and Enrique have in common, as far as music anyways, is the Ramones.”

            “The Ramones eh?”

            “Yeah, I like love their music.”

            “Is it like “I’ve heard a few songs by them, and they were really good, so I tell people I love them” kind of love?”

            “No,” she answered back, a little displeased by his prejudgment. “I actually own their first CD and Rocket to Russia.”

            “Quick: favorite song on Rocket to Russia?”

            Maribel immediately answered with: “Locket Love”

            It was a shocking moment for Cedric Ramos. He couldn’t explain it completely, maybe he was underestimating Maribel Gonzalez.

            “Ok, what about on their first album.”

            “That’s an easy one; “I Wanna Be Your Boyfriend”.”

            “Aaaw, Maribel likes the little romantic song” Cedric said in a teasing voice.

            “Shut up, that song’s so pretty. That song and “Eres” by Café Tacuba are my two favorite love songs ever.”

            “Ever? Like of all time.”

            “Yeah, of all time.”

            “Ok, say that you had to pick one now, that would go on forever, that would be played at your wedding kind of thing; which one would it be?”

            Maribel didn’t know why, but she found herself seriously thinking about the question. There was silence before she finally said, “I think “I Wanna Be Your Boyfriend”.”

            “Alright then, it’s official, whoever you marry, that song has to play at your wedding.”

            Cedric would have preferred to have thrown up, then to have actually stood up to do what he knew he had to do. Yet he still found his legs taking control. It was better this way, but it’s not like he could tell Principal Beckham that his legs made him do it later. It made no difference now though; he was already on the auditorium stage.

            Most people were paying attention to the school’s band coming down from the back of the auditorium to the front, but there were also those who could see Cedric running across the stage. He was dressed completely in black with his Mohawk standing up; he was immediately standing out around the dozens of teenagers in student council.

            Cedric didn’t think of anything but getting the job done. He ran to the left side of the stage and threw the tarp off he left on his guitar cabinet off. Behind the cabinet was his guitar case, he opened it and threw his Les Paul Junior on. His mind was completely blank by that point. He was just a robot pushing his own cabinet to the center stage. When he got it there, he flicked on the switch.

            Andy had already done his job; the microphone stand and pedal case where right on the center stage. Andy had even taken the top half of the case off like Cedric had asked. The moment seemed to be working perfect because the band had only been playing for about a minute.

            Cedric plugged the cable connecting the his Wah-pedal to his guitar head in, and then plugged the cable connecting the tuner pedal to the guitar in. Everything was connected, as ridiculous as it was. He adjusted the microphone stand and turned on the microphone.

             The band wasn’t even finished when Cedric stepped on his tuner pedal and played a power chord. He had about two minutes from there.

            Cedric looked around for a few seconds before spotting Maribel and looking her straight in the eyes.

            He stepped on a pedal and started playing “I Wanna Be Your Boyfriend”.

            Hey, little girl

            I wanna be your boyfriend

            Sweet little girl

            I wanna be your boyfriend

            Do you love me babe?

            What do you say?

            Do you love me babe?

            What can I say?

            Because I wanna be your boyfriend

            He knew he could play the song in his sleep, so there was no bothering looking at his fingers, and when he did, it was fragments of a second. All he wanted to do was stare Maribel in the eyes.

            The song was halfway through, and nobody had tried to stop him, which was a huge relief. In his mind, he figured that he was either going to be unplugged during the first 10 seconds, or not until the song was over.

            Inside of himself, he knew that this was probably going to work. As long as he showed how badly he meant what he was singing. This became evident when he started singing the harmonies in the middle of the song.

            Because I wanna be your boyfriend

            Hey little girl

            I wanna be your boyfriend

            Sweet little girl

            I wanna be your boyfriend

            Do you love me babe?

            What can I say?

            Do you love me babe?           

            What can I say?

            Because I wanna be your boyfriend

            Hey little girl

            I wanna be your boyfriend

            Sweet little girl

            I wanna be your boyfriend

            I wanna be your boyfriend.

            And then like that, the song was over. Cedric had looked Maribel straight in the eyes the whole for entire time playing. It was as if neither she nor Cedric blinked for two and a half minutes straight. Then suddenly, her eyes began to fill with tears.

            Cedric would have run and kissed her at that moment, until he realized that the Principal Beckham, Vice-Principal Rogelio and Mr. Blake, the teacher that ran student council, were all yelling at him. They completely killed the special moment.

            “MR. RAMOS! TURN THIS OFF NOW!”

            Principal Beckham then started yelling for the entire school band to clear out of the auditorium.

            Cedric knew he was being yelled at, but talked in the microphone anyways.

            “So Maribel, what do you say? That seemed pretty “big and romantic” to me. Can I be your boyfriend now?”

            She didn’t know why there were tears coming out of her eyes, but there were. And when he asked her, all she could do was smile.

            They were looking at each other straight in the eyes, and the world around them for a moment disappeared. It was just the two of them for a few seconds.

            “Yes,” she mouthed to him as well as nodded. She was holding up the line of students in band, so once again there moment was ruined. But she knew what she wanted to know, and had what she wanted. Even if they were apart for now, they were still going to be together later.

            “MR. RAMOS! NOW!”

            It was over now, but the past 4 minutes were probably going to be talked about for years and years to come.

            Cedric surrendered peacefully, he turned off his guitar head and started unplugging everything. It was not like him to give in so easily, but he was too happy to care. He and Maribel were together now, and he felt like nothing could hurt him now.

it's 3rd period right now and since i'm a senior i don't have to worry about anything except dying of boredom right about now..............

THERE IS NO HEAVEN OR HELL AFTER WE DIE.

I'm not quite sure how i feel right about now.........Susan just gave me a letter before the start of the period and i was kind of enthused to read it but then i read the letter in about 20 seconds and was like disappointed...............big shock right?...............but whatever it had like nothing in it or anything...............I don't know why but i feel dead right now............I'm in a room thats filled with books but i don't want to read any of them............the damn proxy to get on myspace doesn't work anymore so i'm stuck writing this.............

SETTLE FOR SATIN.

I hate this feeling i'm having right now..........i can't take this................it's like i'm tired and motionless but i can move and fake a laugh and/or smile...........

Good Friends............why am I never enough?........